Atheist Blowhard: Mr. Comedy Jesus

This is a transcription, with commentary by me, of the YouTube video by Troy Conrad, the atheist brainiac who makes his living as Comedy Jesus, and hosts the religionisretarded website. His “Bible Warning Label” video is just another tired recitation of atheist mantras sprinkled with leftist political diatribe. Mr. Conrad is a real “original thinker”, as you can see here:

Warning!

The contents of this book are ancient metaphors and not to be taken literally.

Yep, all the places and people named in the Bible are purely metaphoric, even though many of the places exist today, and there is plenty of evidence to corroborate the existence of the people.


If taken literally call science or basic literature class immediately.

Taking literally may cause:

Bigotry

Even though the Bible teaches that God has no personal preference over anyone, but instead judges people by their actions (John 3:16).

But anti-Christian bigotry, as exemplified by a Jesus impersonator, is A-O-K.


Sexual Guilt

Heaven forbid we should feel guilty about being a society of horndogs and perverts.


Shirt overtucking

After all, only dumb Christofascists, who like being successful in business, tuck in their shirts.


Fighting them there

Fighting them here

Calling people “them”

And atheists don’t fight with anyone, right? Here we go with another idiotic anti-Bush rant.


Desire to lower the status of women by calling them witches

The Left-Wing Entertainment Industry’s politically correct way to lower the status of a woman is to call her a “ho”.


Burning witches

Let’s bash all modern Christianity for a handful of isolated incidents committed 400 years ago. Wait a minute… witches are just another bunch of stupid people with supernatural beliefs. Why should atheists care what happens to them?


Xenophobia

If Christians are racists, then why are some of the biggest church congregations African-American or Asian?


Homophobia mixed with suppressed gayness

Ahh, the old, tired Left-Wing tactic of attacking Christians for their views on gays by using homosexuality as a slur against them. Only a die-hard liberal insists on using this hackneyed, oxymoronic insult, as it is a hallmark of their pretzel logic.


Guilt about gayness

I actually agree with this one… the Bible SHOULD cause guilt about an aberrational lifestyle that kills people long before their time.


Conformity

As opposed to ‘nonconformity’, exemplified by wearing a bedsheet and uttering blasphemy?


Taking it even more literally may lead to:

Mass murder

Genocide

Sure, all Biblical literalists are serial killers, aren’t they?


Suicide

And it appears that Biblical literalists are also suicidal maniacs, according to Mr. Wizard here.


Belief that God is on your side

He is. Thanks for noticing.


The belief that the band that plays at your church rocks.

It does rock. Thanks for noticing. Most of the guys in our church band are professional studio players, Monday through Friday.


Which may lead to:

Self-deception

Atheism IS the epitome of self-deception. It starts with the belief that all atheists are naturally smarter than believers, and it goes downhill from there.


Which may lead to:

The belief that obedience is helpful in adult life, and will get you into Supermagicland when you die.

Supermagicland? Never heard of it. What Bible translation is that found in?


Which may lead to:

Extreme faith-based happiness, even in the face of real world problems that are going on right now, and require you not to be overly coked-up on belief while the world burns, thinking that Jesus will step in and save you at the last minute.

Oh, I’m sorry, but according to liberals NOBODY is allowed to be happy as long as the world isn’t perfect. We’re all supposed to be miserable knowing that there is death and sorrow and war somewhere.

Guess what? There ARE lots of believers out there who AREN’T happy that there’s death, sorrow, and war, and they ARE out there, praying, and then acting on their prayers. Liberals like this dumb Jesus impersonator have trouble seeing this because of their political blinders.


Well, smell the smell, Buster J. Sticksmacker, if you drop the fairytale b******* and pick up a hammer and build something for the next generation, because guess what—the roaches under your sink can’t wait for you to f*** this all up so they can run things for a while and have your Ipod.

Ever heard of the SALVATION ARMY, WORLD VISION INTERNATIONAL, FEED THE CHILDREN, AND COMPASSION INTERNATIONAL, Mr. Comedy Jesus? On top of that, missionary groups all over planet earth are picking up hammers and building for the next generation. They’re also digging wells in drought-ridden Africa, running schools in 3rd world countries to teach children to read, and risking their lives in AIDS treatment centers.

In the meantime, Mr. Comedy Jesus, what are YOU doing to make our world a better place? Showing up in your phony Jesus outfit that you bought from the Costume Barn, and asking people to support your silly shtick with their hard-earned bucks? I guess it’s easy work if you can find it.

I think Mr. Comedy Jesus ought to put his money where his big mouth is, and pick up a hammer at a Habitat for Humanity house-raising. Be sure to show up in your bedsheet, wig, and phony beard, Mr. Comedy Jesus, and wear it the whole time you work on the house. Maybe if you’re lucky you’ll get an autograph from President Carter, just to make your day, in case helping the poor with your labor isn’t enough. Be sure to post the videos on YouTube.

In the meantime, would you care to demonstrate how a cockroach operates an I-pod?